Filigree

Title: Filigree (1994)
Author: Debra Hamilton (Zebra)
Period: American-Colonial/Revolution (1774 Massachusetts)
Grade: F

Lord. There is so much wrong with this book I don't know where to start. First, and most importantly, Hamilton can't write. That some of this putrid sentence structure made it past an editor, even a Zebra editor, and into print is a wonder. The text is mostly narrative and prose with little dialogue to advance the plot or strengthen the romance. It is descriptive novel with some odd mystical/ethereal elements that seem to occur when your worse romance novelists write about Native American people (see Edwards, Cassie for further evidence). So the text it self is awkward and unreadable.

Courtland Day is an officer in the King's army during the occupation of Boston. He is sent by his superiors to spy on his hated step-father, a Sons of Liberty supporting colonist in the Massachusetts countryside. On the way, he is injured and cared for by Chaynoa, a girl of native and Puritan ancestry. Chaynoa, and her slow brother, live in the woods and forage off the land because they have been driven from town by scandal. They live a feral existence. But why? They don't return to live with her father's people, they don't move to a large city to find work, they don't move on to another village where they won't be ostracized. They instead prefer to remain half starved, half frozen in the woods nearest a town that shuns them. What the hell?

Chaynoa has also been a victim of sexual assault. Courtland, unlike most romance heroes, correctly interprets her skittish nature around men as a sign of her trauma. However, this doesn't stop him from attempting to pressure her into intimacy after they are married despite her fear. He's an insensitive lug. Additionally, Hamilton can't decide what the hero's background is shifting from a man raised in mean circumstance on a struggling English farm to a man of elite heritage who has never before seen a woman wield an ax. Courtland is a lousy spy and dickhead of a husband but Chaynoa, and the reader, are supposed to see him as a noble romantic hero?

A colonial romance which flips the traditional American interpretation and offer an English hero and colonial villains is the nugget of an interesting plot. Unfortunately, Filigree is a piss-poor execution of everything else that makes for an interesting romance novel. The worst book I've read in ages.

Lily

Title: Lily (2003)
Author: Lauren Royal (Signet)
Period: European Historical-Restoration (1677 England)
Grade: F

Holy Shit! Some one wrote romance novel with Snow White as the heroine. Lauren Royal should watch her back because I understand those Disney intellectual property claims are a real bitch.

Lord Rand Nesbitt is an Oxford scholar, disowned second son, and jogging enthusiast. During the Restoration! He has for four years been smitten with his friend's young sister-in-law, Lily. The two are asked to serve as godparents to the friend and sister's twins and meet again at a christening/extended visit. Rand is attracted to Lily and pleased to see she is no longer a child, but he has no desire to marry. Which he proceeds to tell his best friend and her brother-in-law. Surprisingly, this doesn't get him punched in the face.

Lily is basically Snow White crossed with a doormat. She loves animals. Every fox and bird in the forest obeys her commands. Her dream is to open an animal rescue. During the Restoration! Lily is interested in Rand, but her scheming older sister, Rose has also set her cap for him. Lily, in true doormat fashion, allows her sister to bully her into promising not to pursue Rand. Lily agrees despite it being obvious to everyone in the house that he is smitten with Lily. Rose continues to throw herself at him, but eventually Rand forces Lily to accept his proposal.

It appears there problems are solved early in the novel, but au contraire! To avoid scandal Rand must break his engagement to Lily and take up with pregnant and unmarried friend to thwart his evil family. The plot takes other stupid side trips as well. I eventually could take no more and quit the field around page 200. Perhaps, Rand was able to save the day by inventing an airplane or a telephone. During the Restoration! That would have been about on par for this dreck.